If Only
by AmakuraMayu
Summary: Elena loves Tseng, she loved him enough to safe his life, but her actions will forever change the lives of the Turks. [CH 7 is up!]
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** _If Only.._

**Summary:** _Elena loves Tseng, she loved him enough to safe his life, but her actions will forever change the lives of the Turks. _

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Tseng silently walked through the busy streets..today had been horrible..he had to finish more than six huge packs of paperwork, he had to pick Reno up from some bar, and drive him home because he was too drunk to even know where he lived, and Rude had called in sick that day..and he had to work until very late..and on top of that, his car had broken down, which meant that he had to walk all the way home, in the pouring rain..without an umbrella, or even a coat for that matter.

But that wasn't what really bothered him..what really bothered him, was what happened after he was about to leave his office.

Of course he knew that the day would arrive sometime..but still, it had caught him completely off guard.

Elena had come to see him, he should've known when he saw how nervous she was, she had something very important to tell him.

He knew she loved him, it was hard not to notice, she acted so differently around him, and on top of that, he had overheard a conversation between Reno and Rude..which pretty much confirmed it.

After she had finally told him, he couldn't say anything..he couldn't tell her if he felt the same, or if he didn't feel the same..all he could say, was that it was against company policies to have relationships on the workingfloor, with that, he had left..not even giving her an answer, she didn't say anything after that, nor did she go after him..after all..he was her boss..she had no right to tell him what to do.

He wondered though..why he hadn't given her an answer..he hated to admit it, but he wasn't sure if he liked her or not, he had always had feelings for Aeris, even after Elena joined the Turks, and when the flower girl died, he had been too busy grieving to even notice any of his co-workers.

But..he knew that, after he and Elena were tortured by Kadaj, Yazoo and Loz, his feelings for her had grown, she had really showed how strong she was in there..day after day, they had been tortured, he thought Elena would've eventually opened her mouth and just spilled all usefull information, but..she didn't.

Even though she was being tortured, right in front of his eyes, and he was tortured in front of her eyes, she never broke..she stayed strong until the very end, until Vincent Valentine had saved them.

He didn't pay any attention to where he was going anymore..he was completely lost in his own thoughts.

He figured he was somewhere near his house..but he couldn't say for sure, and he wasn't really interested in finding out either, he had the day off tomorrow, so he could just do whatever he wanted all night.

Minutes passed by, but to Tseng, those minutes seemed like an eternity.

He couldn't get his mind off of this..did he like Elena? Or not? Why couldn't he figure his own feelings out? It was really frustrating, and for a moment, he envied Elena for being so sure about her feelings..though after tonight, her feelings towards him might've changed..

He didn't even notice the busy street he was about to cross, cars quickly drove over it, the drivers all wanting to get home as soon as possible to get at least one hour of sleep.

"Sir, look out!!" a panicking voice called at him, he turned slightly..only to see a large bus drive at him, it was too late..he hadn't payed attention, and now he was paying the prize, there was no way he would survive a crash with the bus.

But then...

He fell flat on his face on the road, he could hear the wheels of the bus, the driver desperately trying to stop the bus.

Finally, the bus had stopped..but the driver didn't get out..Tseng was confused..why didn't the driver get out to scold at him for not paying attention?

He slowly stood up, it seemed like something had happened..a crowd started to form in front of the bus, people gasping, people telling other people to quickly call an ambulance..

His eyes widened when he realised who's voice it was that called him, and he realised whose hands he had felt on his back..

Tseng slowly started walking..past the bus, past the driver, who sat in his seat, frozen in shock.

And then, he saw it..through the crowd of people, he saw a figure lying on the road..and that figure wasn't moving.

He quickly forced himself through the crowd..only to have his worst fear come true.

A young, blond haired girl was lying in front of him..wearing her work uniform, her hair covered her face.

"El..ena.." he dropped down on his knees and held the young Turk, slowly moving her hair out of her face..but the thing that replaced her hair, wasn't a good thing..it seemed like she had several cuts on her face, and most of those cuts were releasing alot of blood.

"Elena..wake up!" he called, she had to wake up..she just had to..she was a Turk after all..Turks always stood up..always..

"Elena..please..." he heard a man behind him tell his wife that the ambulance was on their way.

She still didn't move..she was still breathing..but her eyes remained shut.

But then, her eyes seemed to move slightly behind her eyelids..she slowly started opening her eyes, several times, they had closed again..but finally, she managed to keep them open.

"S..Sir.." she lifted her hand up a little, but she didn't have the strength to keep it up, and dropped it again..Tseng quickly grabbed her hand and squeezed

it slightly, "Elena, help is coming..just hang in there.."

Her eyeslids slowly dropped again, "Elena!" where was that ambulance? Why the hell did it take this long? Elena needed help!

After a struggle with her own eyelids, she opened her eyes again, "Sir.." she wanted to say something..but her breath was cut off..

"Elena, don't say anything..spare your energy." he whispered, slowly bending over her, so the rain would fall on him, and not on the fragile body he was holding.

"Sir..are you...alright..?" he could barely hear her voice..it was less than a whisper.

Tseng felt like he would cry, he managed to keep them in though.

Even though he had hurt her feelings tonight, even though he had told her that she should forget about her feelings for the sake of her job..she had pushed him out of the way..and she was the one ending up getting hit by the car..just because she loved him..she truly loved him..he saw that now.

Somehow..he had managed to nod at her question, a small smile spread on the girl's face.

"..good..." his eyes shot open in shock..she had released her grip on his hand, and she had hung her head..her eyes were shut too.

"Elena? Elena! Wake up! Open your eyes!" he shook her body..she couldn't do this! The ambulance was on it's way..she had to hang in there..

"Elena.." he placed two fingers on her neck..checking for a pulse..nothing..not even the smallest sign of a heartbeat.

He slowly shook his head..this wasn't happening..this was a dream..it..had to be.

He did his best to stay calm, but ended up reaching for his gun when he heard the sirens of the ambulance draw closer.

"Move!! Get out of the way!" he pointed the gun at the crowd..people quickly ran away, afraid that the young man was going to shoot them if they refused to listen.

Everything after that seemed like a dream..his vision began to blur..he couldn't keep his balance anymore..and without a warning, he passed out..only hearing faint whispers coming from the people who were desperately trying to save the young girl.

His vision slightly returned, as he saw people rush over to him to see if he was alright.

"Elena.." was the last word he could whisper before slipping back into unconsciousness.

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_Well, that's the end of this chapter! Sad chapter..I know._

_More will follow too._

_Anyways, if you liked the first chapter, please review, so I know if I should continue or not. :P It's all in my mind, so it's no problem for me if I have to stop writing this because people don't review. xD It's your own loss!_

_I want at least one review for me to continue:P_

_Okay, done rambling, please review, and I will add the next chapter as soon as I finish writing it._


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** _If Only.._

**Summary:** _Elena loves Tseng, she loved him enough to safe his life, but her actions will forever change the lives of the Turks.

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Everything around him was black..he couldn't see, or feel anything..he could barely make out the voices that seemed to be talking about him.

"How is he?"

"He'll be alright, he has a few scratches, but nothing big."

"Doctor, do you have any idea when he will wake up..?"

"Well..it's hard to say...sometimes people wake up after an hour..sometimes they remain like this for several days."

"And he's like this..because of the shock?"

"Yes..it seems that way."

"I..see.."

"If you'll excuse me..I have other patients that are waiting."

"Certainly..thank you doctor."

Tseng wondered how long he had been unconscious..had it been hours? Days perhaps? Not that it was important..all that mattered now, was Elena..did she make it? Was she alive? How bad were her injuries?

"Boss."

"Rude..good, you came..where's Reno?"

"He'll be here in a second, he's still suffering from his hangover from last night."

"Figures.."

"How's Tseng?"

"Well...the doctor says that he'll be alright..he doesn't have any serious injuries..."

"But?"

"I doubt he'll be alright.."

"Why?"

"You haven't heard about the accident?"

"I heard he was almost hit by a bus..but not much more than that..why?"

"Well...Elena...she..."

Well? What had happened to her? Why couldn't Rufus just say it? If he knew something..why was he keeping it from Rude?

Tseng wanted to wake up..more than anything now..he needed to see Elena, see if she was okay.

"What about her?"

"Reno, how are you feeling?"

"Who cares? How's Laney?"

"Reno..she.."

"She what? Just tell me!"

"It's not the place, nor the time to talk about it."

"Rude..you too? What the hell happened?!"

"Rude..please."

"Yes sir...come on Reno."

"What? Why?"

"I'll explain it to both of you..but not here..if Tseng can hear us..he's already been through alot.."

_He's_ been through alot? How could Rufus say that? It was Elena who had suffered..because of him..

A short time passed by..and finally..Tseng found that he could open his eyes..the darkness above him turned into a peacefull white ceiling, and when he turned to the side, there was a nightstand, with a really ugly lamp on it..there was no doubt about it..he was in some hospital room.

Had they really taken him to a hospital? Everyone must've been freaked out when they found him, unconscious.

He slowly got up from his bed, looking around the room..until his eye caught the window, behind it stood Rufus, Rude and Reno..they didn't see him, it seemed like they were too busy talking..well...Rufus was talking, Rude was listening..and more suprising, so was Reno.

Tseng looked down to the floor..he still didn't know what day it was..or what time..he looked around, to see if there was a clock, or a calander or something..but sadly, he couldn't find anything.

"Tseng! You're awake!" Rufus stood in the dooropening and quickly made his way to the bed, "How are you feeling?"

"..okay..." Tseng leaned forward a little, to see Rude and Reno..they both seemed really shocked, they had probably heard the entire story.

"Good." Rufus smiled at him, but everyone who saw him now, would know it wasn't a real smile..it was a faked smile.

"How's Elena..?" he looked back at the floor..a long silence followed, until the sound of Rude's footsteps broke that silence, "Sir, it's good to see you awake."

Tseng looked up at Rufus, "Rufus..tell me..is she alright?"

"No, she's not." Reno stepped into the room, he stared blankly at the wall in front of him, "Reno, what do you know?" Tseng stood up from his bed, barely keeping his balance, "Tell me now." he was getting irritated by this, someone really needed to tell him something now, before he went insane.

"What I know..?" Reno turned around, ready to leave the room, "More than I want to." and with that, he left the room, Rude soon followed.

"Damnit Rufus! Just tell me how she's doing!" he put a hand on the wall, to prevent him from falling over.

"Tseng..sit down." Rufus sat down on the bed, Tseng sat down next to him.

A troubled sigh filled the room before Rufus finally started talking, "Tseng...Elena..she..she didn't make it..."

His eyes widened at his boss's statement, "They tried..Tseng, they really tried..but they were too late..she..she was already gone when they arrived at the scene."

Tseng stared at the wall..silently...he knew that this was most likely the answer, but somewhere..he had hoped that he was wrong for once, that Elena was alright..but..she wasn't, she was dead..and it was all his fault..if only he had given her an answer..if he had done that..none of this would've happened..

"Where..is she?" Rufus stood up, "I'll ask the doctor..I..didn't want to go see her before you woke up."

Rufus slowly started walking towards the door, and with a soft click, the door was closed.

He thought for a second..if he could do the entire night over..what would he have done? What answer would he have given Elena?

He closed his eyes for a second, he knew now..he knew what he felt for Elena..if he could do the night over, he would've told her..that he felt the same about her.

What was it about him? Everytime he found someone who he truly loved..they ended up dying..first Aeris..now Elena..

"Tseng.." Rufus had opened the door again, and made a gesture for Tseng to follow him.

The two men walked through a few white hallways, all of them looking exactly the same, until they saw Reno and Rude stand in front of a window, the doctor stood beside them.

Rufus nodded at the doctor, who nodded back and slowly opened the door for them, everyone stepped inside..but no one dared to come near the table that stood in the middle of the room..everyone knew, that the figure underneath the white sheet, was Elena.

Reno turned around, "This is stupid.."

"Reno!" Rufus quickly turned towards him, "What are you saying?!"

"There's no way that's Elena."

Rude walked over to him and gave him a pad on the shoulder, "Come on Reno..lets say goodbye."

"Goodbye? I'm not saying goodbye to someone I don't know! Whoever it is underneath that sheet, it isn't Elena."

"Reno..."

"No, this is some sick joke..and whoever thinks this is funny, think again!"

Tseng ignored the conversation behind him, and looked down at the table..he couldn't bring himself to lift the sheet up.

The doctor walked over to him, and slowly removed part of the sheet, revealing only a face...Elena's face.

He quickly looked away again, he couldn't look at her..that pale face..the small cuts on her face..that small trace of a smile..it was just too much..

"Jesus.." Tseng turned to look at Reno, who was now walking towards the table.

"This...this isn't..." he slowly placed his hand on the side of her face, Rufus and Rude slowly stepped forward too.

"This..isn't right...rookies aren't supposed to go first..."

"She wasn't a rookie anymore."

"You're right Rude..she wasn't a rookie anymore..she was..one of us." he smiled slightly at the girl, "But you knew that..didn't you Laney? You knew we meant it when we said you were a great Turk."

"And..you..you knew I was joking..right? You knew I cared about you..right..?" a few tears fell from his eyes, and onto the sheet, "She knew Reno..she knew." Rufus whispered, "She knew we all loved her."

And that was it..it all became too much on him, and Tseng quickly walked out of the room, through the hallways..he didn't know where he was going..all he knew was that he couldn't stay in that room any longer.

_"She knew we all loved her." _the words kept repeating themselves in his head..over and over again..

This was it, never again, never again would he lose someone so precious to him.

Never again would he love someone, care about someone..but he knew it was already too late..he cared about Rufus, Rude and Reno too..he had almost lost Rufus once..and he hadn't realised how much he cared about his boss, and his friend, until it was almost too late.

Why was it, that he couldn't see how much he cared about people until it was too late.

It had been like that all his life, his mother..Aeris, Rufus..Elena..he had almost lost all of them, he didn't realise how precious his mother was to him until he stood in front of her grave, he didn't realise how much he loved Aeris, until a Trainee came to tell him what Sephiroth had done to her, he didn't realise what a dear friend Rufus was, until he was lying in a hospital bed, fighting for his life..and now Elena..maybe...maybe someone was just trying to tell him that he wasn't supposed to love or care about someone.

He slowly opened the door, and walked outside..it was still raining, but he didn't care..

He had to go see someone..he had to go see..her.

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_I know this chapter isn't as good as the last one. :/ Writers block decided to kick me in the face, so I apologise if this chapter is bad._

_Anyways, please review if you liked it._

_I'll do my best to make the next chapter better._


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** _If Only.._

**Summary:** _Elena loves Tseng, she loved him enough to safe his life, but her actions will forever change the lives of the Turks._

**Disclaimer: **_Everyone knows this..and it's stupid to put it here..but.._

_**I DON'T OWN FINAL FANTASY.**_

_Thanks to the ones who reviewed! I really apreciate it!_

**Also, to yodel:**_ I didn't plan to make an OC pairing with Tseng..but I guess, if people want me to, I could fit put someone there? Lol! I have enough imagination to think of one, so it's your call reviewers!  
Now that we've got that over with, on with the story!_

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With a soft cracking noise, the door opened..it had been a long time since he had been here..he had promised himself to never come back here after.. 

He slowly walked forwards, looking down to the floor..it was an old habit of his, to always look down when he was here.

Finally, he stopped walking, and silently stared at the flowerbed in front of him, he was amazed to see that the flowers were still alive..the roof wasn't all that good anymore, and the rain water fell exactly at this spot..and yet, none of the flowers had drowned.

Tseng moved his head up a bit to look at one of the windows, a small drop of water ran down the window..

He shook his head, this was stupid..there was no way that the children in this area were right..there was no way Aeris' spirit still wandered here, he promised himself to never go and see if they were right..he knew they were wrong.

Aeris..or 'The Flower Girl' as the kids liked to call her..had died, she was in the lifestream now, she couldn't be here, it was stupid to come here.

Just as he turned around, three kids ran through the door, a little boy, who was carrying a huge umbrella, and two little girls..probably his sisters.

The boy dropped the umbrella the second they were inside the church, "When we go home, _you_ carry it!" he pointed at one of the girls, "No! Mommy said you had to do it!"

While the two were arguing about who was going to carry the umbrella next, the other girl walked up to Tseng and smiled, "Hello! What's your name?" Tseng didn't respond..the last thing he needed now, was a kid bothering him with endless stories.

The girl shrugged, "You came to see the flower girl too?" again, Tseng kept silent.

She slowly sat down in front of the flowerbed, gently touching one of the flowers.

"You're silent..I think she'd like that..she's silent too..." Tseng stood beside the girl and gave her a questioning look.

"What do you mean, she's silent?" now he knew for sure she was making it up! Aeris..silent? Hah!

"Well, she never actually says anything..she's usually just smiling..or nodding when we talk to her, but she never says anything."

Tseng gave her another confused look..what was this kid talking about? Were they talking about the same person here?

No, they couldn't be..this girl was far too young to even remember Aeris, even if she had seen her once.

He suddenly snapped back to reality when he heard footsteps coming up from behind him..

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Reno sat in a chair in the waiting room..he had objected when Rude and Rufus told him to go and sit here..but he knew that staying in that room would only make him sadder..so he decided to listen to them for once.. 

He looked up when he heard the door open..Rufus slowly stepped in and closed the door again.

"Tseng?" Rude asked, Rufus shook his head, "I can't find him..I asked a nurse if she had seen him..looks like he left the hospital some time ago.."

Rude nodded and looked down at his feet again..he was sad..no one could see it though..he still hadn't take his sun glasses off..

"He left?!" Reno jumped up from his chair, "He left? Just like that? As if he had better things to do?" his hand slowly turned into a fist.

"Reno, calm down." Rude said, not looking up at him.

"I will...once I have a talk with him." Reno walked past Rufus and reached for the door handle, "Reno, what are you going to do?" Rufus asked him..a little concerned that he was going to do something to Tseng.

"I'm gonna go look for Tseng..and.." he cut himself off there, "And..that's all.." he said before leaving the room, not bothering to shut the door behind him.

"Reno!" Rufus ran into the hallway, but was stopped by Rude, "Leave him for now sir." Rufus turned around, "Leave him? God knows what he's up to!" Rude shrugged, "You can't force him to stay here..he would simply ignore you." Rufus sighed, "Yeah..but..I have to go after him and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid.." Rude nodded, "I guess..we could keep an eye on him..just to be safe."

Rufus nodded and both men ran out of the room..into the cold rain, going after Reno.

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Tseng quickly turned around, his hand was already reaching for his gun...damn..he was still wearing that hospital outfit..which didn't include a weapon. 

"Tseng?" he looked down and sighed..good..it was only Tifa and that little girl, Marlene.

"..hello Tifa." he said before walking over to a bench and sitting down on it..it was pretty much the only bench that wasn't broken.

"Are you..feeling alright?" she asked, standing in front of him, he gave her a fake smile..and a weak nod, "Yeah.."

Tifa frowned, "Marlene..go ahead and play..I'll be with you in a second." Marlene nodded, "Okay Tifa." the little girl turned around, and ran towards the other children, who were all looking at something.

"What happened? Bad day at work?" Tifa asked, Tseng stood up and walked forward a bit, "You..could say that."

Tifa sighed dramatically, "Well, what's new!" she turned her back towards him and looked over at Marlene, making sure she was alright, but then turned around again and smiled, "Just kidding!"

Tseng smiled slightly, but it caused him alot of trouble to even bring that small smile on his face.

"So..why are you here?" Tifa suddenly asked, looking back at Marlene again..she sure loved that kid, didn't she?

"I..don't really know either..why are you here?" he walked past Tifa, making her turn around..it was probably easier to watch over Marlene this way.

Tifa smiled, as if she wanted to thank him for standing there, "Well..Marlene wants to come here..she kept complaining..and she was driving us all crazy, so I decided to just give in and take her here." she laughed a bit, "Not that I hate it here or anything..but it's so...wet outside.." she said while pointing at him..it was true..he was really wet from the rain.

"You're right about that." he said, looking down at his clothes..something caught his eye though..

As he looked over at the kids, he saw something..something he never expected to see..

Someone..no...some_thing _kneeled in front of them..it couldn't be Aeris..could it? No, it wasn't her..she was dead..she couldn't be here..he was probably halucinating.

"Tseng!" Tseng turned around, and when he looked back..Aeris was gone again..Tifa turned around aswell, to see a _very _wet red haired Turk walk in, "Why did you leave the hospital?" Tifa gasped a bit, hospital? What happened? She knew it was better to not say anything though..and she slowly walked away from the two men, heading towards Marlene who was staring at the men too.

As soon as she reached the girl, she heard a loud sound, she turned around and gasped..Reno had pushed Tseng against the wall..and he was looking very mad about something..

Marlene grabbed her hand and almost started crying, "It's alright..Marlene..it's okay.." she had to help Tseng..but..she couldn't just leave Marlene here..

"It's still not enough, Tseng?" Reno hissed at the man he forced against the wall, "She gives up her life for you..and still..you don't respect her enough to stay in the hospital for ten seconds! To say goodbye! Does she really mean that little to you?!"

Marlene started sobbing when Reno started screaming..Tifa knelt down and hugged the little child, "Shhh..it's okay..I'm here.." Tifa bit her lip slightly..the situation was really getting out of hand...

"Reno!" Rufus quickly made his way to Reno, closely followed by Rude, "Let him go Reno." Rufus said trying to stay as calm as possible.

Reno didn't move..he didn't let Tseng go..but he had stopped yelling at him.

"It's an order Reno!" Rufus called at him, "Don't do something you'll regret." Rude stood beside his friend and placed a hand on his shoulder.

This seemed to work..seeing as Reno let go of Tseng and walked away from everyone..standing in the middle of the church, trying to calm down a bit.

Everyone was silent..the children stood frozen on their spot..Marlene had stopped crying, and Tifa was holding her breath.

"You don't know.." Tseng started, breaking the silence, "..how much she meant to me."

Rufus and Rude turned around to see Reno's reaction..both of them were ready to stop him in case he wanted to attack Tseng..but..he simply stood there...staring out of the window across the room.

"I knew it.." Reno said silently, "I knew it..I just knew it..didn't I tell you?" Reno turned towards Rude, Rude smiled and nodded..Reno _had _told him once that Tseng was just playing hard to get.

Reno's smile faded a little as he turned around again,

"..if only Elena had known that.."

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_Okay, that's the end of this chapter! Please review. :)_

_I know, I know..I put Tifa in there..believe me, I have reasons for putting her in it. ;)_

_Anyways, this is a question to everyone: Someone asked in a review if I was going to make a OC pairing with Tseng, if you want me to, I could think of one, and fit her into the story._

_Please tell me if you want to see something like that in a review:) If enough people want it, I'll do it._


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** _If Only.._

**Summary:** _Elena loves Tseng, she loved him enough to safe his life, but her actions will forever change the lives of the Turks.

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_"Reno, this is no one's fault." Rufus stated calmly while walking over to the young Turk, "I know." Reno slowly walked toward the exit, but before he left the church, he looked back at Tseng for a moment, "I'm sorry."_

_Rude turned around to look at Tseng for a moment, "Don't hate him for this..I guess..this is his way of grieving." he turned toward Rufus now, Rufus nodded and Rude walked towards the exit too._

_"Are you alright?" Rufus asked Tseng, who simply nodded at his boss, "Fine." he slowly walked past Rufus and also headed for the exit, "Where are you going now?" Tseng shook his head slightly, "I don't know either.." with that, he left the church._

_Rufus sighed, "Hello Miss Lockheart." he said before leaving aswell._

Tifa regretted leaving a bottle of alcohol on the bar now..Tifa had told them that, if they wanted, they could come with her to the bar and call a taxi there, seeing as they left their car at the hospital.

She bit her lip slightly, it wasn't Rude she was worried about..after all, he wasn't the one who was drinking..it was Reno who had already been drinking for an hour.

"Cheers!" he called, lifting another glass up to his mouth, Tifa opened her mouth to say something..but she knew he wouldn't listen, she had been trying to stop him for the past thirty minutes, but he never listened.

"Hey, you heard about this thing called 'Karma'?" Reno turned to his friend, almost falling off the chair he was sitting on, "They say that if you do something good, Karma will reward you in some special way, right? But they also say that if you do something bad, Karma will turn around to bite you in the ass!" Rude shrugged, "Oh." Reno laughed, "Yeah! I know! Superstitious idiots, right?" he emptied another glass, "Whoa.." Tifa turned around to look at him, "Are you alright?" she walked around the bar and placed a hand on his shoulder, "Sure..never better.." he tried to stand up, but quickly regretted it, his body couldn't keep him up, and he fell to the ground.

"Reno!" Tifa dropped down on her knees and helped him sit up, "You okay man?" Rude asked kneeling beside him, Reno didn't respond..his eyes were closed, but he didn't seem hurt, "He's..asleep?" Tifa asked herself.

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Tseng silently stood in front of the window, he had been standing here for quite some time, "Sir, are you ready?" the doctor asked, opening the door for him, Tseng nodded and stepped into the room..he looked back at the doctor, "I'm fine doctor, thank you." the old man nodded and closed the door again behind him.

He slowly walked forward, towards the table, he reached for the thin sheet, he couldn't believe how hard his hand was shaking..he didn't want this..he didn't want to see her like this..but he knew this was probably his last chance to ever see her again.

He closed his eyes and slowly removed part of the sheet, he hesitated for a second, but then slowly opened his eyes.

Tseng couldn't look away anymore..he finally realised it..Elena was dead, this wasn't a dream, this wasn't fake..this was real, _she _was real.

"I'm sorry.." he lifted another part of the sheet, and took her hand.

"I'm so sorry.." he dropped down on his knees and just held her hand, "I should be dead..not you.."

He rested his head against the table, he needed someone now..someone to tell him things were going to be alright, someone to tell him that they were going to be there for him..someone like Aeris..someone like Elena..

"God, I'm so sorry, Elena!" his vision began to blur slightly, he could cry now..there was no one here, he was alone..it was okay to cry now.

He never cried when others were around, he was always the strong, cold man who was simply there to comfort others, to keep them calm, but now, he was alone, he didn't have to stay strong for anyone.

* * *

"Are you sure it's alright?" Rude asked when he got back upstairs, Tifa had told him to bring Reno down to the basement, there was a guest room there, she figured it was alot easier to carry Reno downstairs than upstairs.

"Of course." Tifa did her best to smile, "He needs to rest now." Rude sighed and sat down on a chair next to Tifa, she looked at him sadly, "Are you feeling alright?" Rude smiled, "I'm alright, thanks." Tifa bit her lip slightly, she hated to ask about the situation, it was probably hard to talk about it..but she was right in the middle of it now, she really wanted to know what had happened.

"Rude..I'm sorry to ask this..but..what happened?"

"...Elena is dead."

Tifa looked down to the floor, she didn't know Elena too well, but she had seen her at the bar once, they even made peace.

"..how..?" she nervously pulled on a loose string from her skirt.

"She was hit by a bus, she died on the scene." he straightened his sunglasses.

"..hey.." Tifa gently placed a hand on his shoulder, "You don't have to act tough around me, you know.."

He didn't respond, he simply stared at the empty glass his friend left here..

Tifa hesitated for a moment, but quickly made up her mind and reached for his sunglasses, she slowly removed it, and was suprised by what she saw..

There were tears in his eyes.

* * *

Rufus paced through his office, he knew he had to do it..but it was so hard to just pick up the phone and arrange a funeral, he just couldn't bring himself to do it, but he realised it was up to him to do it, Tseng couldn't deal with this right now, none of them could deal with this..not even Rude.

He took a deep breath and reached for the phone.

---

After only a few minutes, it was all arranged, Rufus had given clear answers to their questions, and their questions were very straight to the point, it was almost as if it was just another business call he had to deal with.

He put down the phone again and sat down in his chair, he sighed deeply when he saw the picture standing on his desk, he reached out for it and simply looked at it for a moment, everyone was there; He, Tseng, Rude, Elena and Reno..they were all there, no worries on their faces..it was taken shortly after Rufus had recovered from his Geostigma, his life had been spared..again..

He thought back of the time before Meteor was about to hit..he was so different now..so different that it had scared some people in the past.

He was still looking at the picture, he never believed Elena would be the first one to die..he knew that, someday, one of them would die..either by an accident, a job assignment, or just of old age..but he never thought Elena would go first, he figured Reno would be the first..he was always so reckless..sometimes it looked as if he had some kind of deathwish or something..the way he acted, he, Tseng and Elena always got mad at him for being so reckless..but the sad truth was, Reno did all those insane things, because he knew he could do it, he knew he was good at his job, he knew he wasn't going to die.

Rufus shrugged, he shouldn't think about Reno now..it was impossible to understand how he managed to do all those things without getting hurt.

On the picture, Rufus was still wearing a few bandages..he smiled a bit, he had gotten so much closer to the Turks when he was recovering from his injuries in Healin Lodge...

_"Tell me, why do I have to clean the dishes again?"_

_"Because you're lazy, Reno! Now get started!"_

_"Hey, whoa..don't bite my head off Laney.."_

_"Tseng got the groceries, I cooked the food, so now it's more than fair that you clean the dishes!"_

_"Aaah, you cooked? I already wondered why the food was so disgusting."_

_"What?!"_

_"You heard me, you're cooking sucks!"_

_"Oh, you're gonna get hurt now!"_

_"...easy children."_

_"Hey! When did you become my mother, Rude?"_

_"The moment you two started acting like a bunch of kids."_

_"Hehe.."_

_"It's not funny boss!"_

_"You actually DO remind me of little children."_

_"Mr President, please..don't get involved in the conversation..for your own sake."_

_"Haha, don't worry about me, Tseng!"_

Rufus smiled slightly before putting the picture down on his desk again and standing up.

He slowly made his way to the exit of his room, he looked back at the picture for a moment.

"You won't be forgotten, Elena."

And with that, he turned off the light switch.

* * *

He sighed softly and began wiping away his tears..he had already been here for a while, it was time to stop crying now, he had forgotten it for a second, but now he realised it again, crying was for the weak, for the ones who believed that crying was actually going to solve anything.

"Don't blame yourself, sir." Tseng slowly turned his head toward the door, he simply stared at her..for a moment, he thought Elena was standing in front of him, but of course, that was impossible..this wasn't Elena, Elena was lying on this table..Elena was gone.

"I'm sure..she doesn't regret it..wherever she is.." the young blond woman stood next to him and gently touched Elena's face,

"Right..sis?"

* * *

_Okay, I gotta admit, I had some trouble writing this chapter..I had some ideas in my head, but I figured it was a bit too soon to put those ideas in, so..yeah..sorry if it's a bad chapter, I tried to make something good out of it._

_ANYWAYS!_

_End of this chapter!_

_Please review if you wanna read the next chapter!_


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** _If Only.._

**Summary:** _Elena loves Tseng, she loved him enough to safe his life, but her actions will forever change the lives of the Turks._

**Author's note:** _For those who are wondering: I didn't make Elena's sister up, she's a character in Before Crisis. Oh, and I'm giving her a different name, cause in Before Crisis, she's named Gun (Female) And..well...I don't think anyone would call their kid 'Gun' :P_

_So, I'm naming her Juna..weee! I'm original! XD_

_PS: Thank you for those who read and review this! The reviews really help! ;D Thanks! Cookies for all the reviewers!_

_Anyway, on with the next chapter!_

**

* * *

**Tifa was preparing breakfast for Denzel and Marlene, of course, Cloud had already left without saying anything..which wasn't really suprising. 

"Tifa!" Marlene pulled on Tifa's skirt, she didn't respond though, she was too busy thinking about something.

"Hey Tifa, Marlene is in desperate need of attention." Denzel joked, "Hmm..?" Tifa looked down at Marlene, "What is it sweety?" Marlene held the phone in her hand, "Someone wants to talk to you."

Tifa smiled a bit and took the phone, "Hello?"

"Good morning Miss Lockheart."

"Oh, President Shinra, what a suprise! How may I help you?"

"Well, I've been trying to reach Reno and Rude, but it seems they aren't home, didn't they go with you last night?"

"Oh, right! They spend the night here."

"How come?"

"Well...Reno..he.."

"I see."

"Do you want to leave a message?"

"No, that's alright, I'm getting in my car now, tell them to wait for me."

"Alright, goodbye."

Tifa sighed deeply before handing the phone to Marlene again, who ran upstairs to put it back down again.

"Are you okay?" Denzel asked, Tifa smiled and nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine..thanks." she looked at the door to the basement for a moment, and then looked back at Denzel, "Denzel, could you wake our guests up while I finish breakfast?"

"Sure Tifa!" Denzel jumped off his chair and made his way into the basement.

* * *

Juna sighed a bit before sitting back down on the table again, she had to stay in a hotel tonight, she could've spend the night in Elena's house..but she couldn't bring herself to just walk through the door, after all, Elena wouldn't want her to stay in her house..they weren't exactly loving sisters. 

"Can I get you anything, miss?" the waitress asked as she passed Juna's table.

"No, thank you, I'm not really hungry.." the waitress shrugged before walking to the next table, Juna looked out of the window, it was a really nice day..the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and everyone was in a good mood.

Yep, the perfect day for a funeral.

She shook her head, and reached for her phone, after a few seconds, the person on the other side picked up.

"Hello? President Shinra speaking?"

"Good morning sir.."

"Juna, good morning, did you get some sleep?"

"..not really."

"Oh..I understand.."

"Anyway, I just wanted to say that you don't have to pick me up, I'm going to rent a car."

"Are you sure? It's no trouble to pick you up."

"Yes, I'm sure, good day sir."

"Juna, wait-"

She suprised herself a bit, she never expected herself to just hang up while her boss was still speaking, it was rude to say the least..

"Oh well.." she put the phone back in her pocket and walked towards the door, she had already rented a car yesterday, after she left the hospital.

* * *

Denzel slowly opened the door a bit, he didn't even know who their guests were..after all, he was asleep before Tifa even returned. 

He knocked on the door, "It's morning!" he called before running back upstairs again.

Rude slowly opened his eyes and reached for his sunglasses, "Reno, it's morning, wake up." he got up from his bed and put on his suit, Reno still didn't make an attempt to get up.

"Reno!" Reno opened one eye and just as quick as it had opened, it closed again, "Not yet..." he pulled the blankets over his face again.

Rude sighed, he hated to do this..but Reno had to get up now..

He reached for the blankets and pulled them off, Reno jumped up and gave him 'the look'

"What did you do that for?!" he jumped over the bed and tried to get his blankets back, but sadly, he wasn't as quick as Rude and hit his head against the door.

"Ow..." he rubbed the back of his head and stood up, staring at Rude..he looked ready to kill, but then again, Reno always looked ready to kill if he wanted something.

"Okay, fine! Seeing as you stole my blankets, there's no reason to stay in bed!" he walked towards the door and made his way upstairs, he didn't have to get dressed, he had been wearing his Turk uniform all night..it wasn't like it was going to look any worse than it already looked.

"Yo.." Reno said before sitting down on a chair next to Marlene, he was still rubbing his head.

"You okay?" Tifa asked as she handed Marlene and Denzel their breakfast, "A certain bald person did this to me.." Reno glared at Rude, who had just walked into the room.

"Not my fault that you jump against the door." he sat down next to Reno and hit him over the head, "Ow!!" Reno called again, it didn't hurt anymore, but he kinda hoped that Tifa would scold at Rude for hurting a poor injured man.

"You kinda deserve that Reno.." Tifa said as she placed the food in front of them, "You kicked him in the face last night when he tried to get you in your bed." a grin started to form on Reno's face, "Okay, we're even then." he stared at Rude for a second, "Did it hurt?" Rude shrugged, "You kicked me..in the face..what do you think?" Reno laughed, "Ah, yes..my kicks are always powerfull!"

A small ringing sound could be heard, someone had just entered the bar..

"Sir." Rude stood up and saluted his boss, Reno did the same, Tifa took her own food and sat down beside Denzel and Marlene, she figured they had to talk about something private.

Rufus made a gesture for them to come to him, they did so, and all three left the bar for now..

"So, what brings you here? I didn't know you liked this place." Reno said as he leaned against a wall.

"I came to pick you two up." Rufus reached in his pockets to get his car keys, "Pick us up?" Rude asked, why would he need to pick them up?

"Yes..I'm picking you up so we can.." he stopped for a moment, they looked a bit better than last night, if he told them where they were going, they would be back the way they were yesterday..

"So we can go to Elena's funeral." they immediately looked worse again, Reno stood up straight now, and Rude stared down at the floor.

* * *

Juna sighed deeply, where were they? Why was it taking this long? 

She turned to look at Tseng for a moment, she wondered how long he had been waiting here, he looked really tired, did he even sleep tonight?

"Looks like we both messed up." Juna said as she stood beside him, both of them were staring at the still empty grave, "We both never got to tell her how much we loved her." Tseng looked down at her for a second, "She didn't know you loved her?" he asked, Juna shook her head, "Nope..you know we didn't have the best relationship, right?" Tseng nodded, "Well..that was mostly my fault...she always hated me for being 'better' than her, and I enjoyed that so much..I enjoyed making her jealous, I enjoyed getting better grades at school, I enjoyed her hatred the day that I became a Turk, and she simply stayed a Trainee.."

She closed her eyes and walked back a bit to sit on a bench, Tseng sat beside her, "I never got to tell her, what a great Turk she was, and how I wasn't any better than her..and that I was happy to have her as my little sister."

She shook her head, "I planned to tell her the day that I would die, so she couldn't tease me about it for the rest of my life..I never expected her to go before me.."

Tseng frowned a bit, "If only we could've done things differently.." Juna nodded, "Yeah.."

They both turned around when they heard a car drive up to them, Juna stood up and walked towards the three priests who were waiting for all the close family and friends to arrive, "They're here, you may go ahead and start.." she looked back at the car, only three people got out of it, Rufus, Rude and Reno.

The priests raised an eyebrow, "This is everyone? Are you sure you don't expect anyone else?" Juna frowned.

"No...there are only Turks at a Turk's funeral.."

**

* * *

**_Okay, I stole the sentence 'There are only Turks at a Turk's funeral' from the story:_ _'White Carnations' by 'Lady Lilliana' You should really read that story! It's very good:D_

_Anyways, I hope you liked the chapter. :/ I wrote it up just now, since I couldn't think of anything for over a week. :P_

_Well, review if you liked it, okay? I'll try to update a little sooner, but I can't promise anything..expect the next chapter four or five days from now, it might be sooner, but again, I can't promise anything._


	6. Chapter 6: Author's note

_**Dear readers/reviewers,**_

I figured it was kinda annoying to have to keep checking my profile to find out if a story has been updated yet or not, if you didn't put it on your Story Alert.

I don't want to force anyone to put any of my stories on Story Alert, since I'm not _that _mean. :)

So, my profile has been updated, all info about my stories are up.

This info is up:

- All the titles of all the stories I've ever written.

- All completed stories have been listed seperately.

- All planned stories have been listed seperately.

- All stories that are in progress have been listed.

- Update dates are given for each story.

- Summary for each story is given.

- Every story has it's own Category.

My profile will be updated everytime a new chapter gets added for any story, or when I write a new story and/or Oneshot.

**PS:** _Keep checking for announcements too, I will sometimes type an announcement on my profile which might explain why I haven't updated a story yet._

Take care!

I hope this will make things easier for everyone. :)


	7. Chapter 7: Last Chapter

**Title:** _If Only.._

**Summary:** _Elena loves Tseng, she loved him enough to safe his life, but her actions will forever change the lives of the Turks._

**Author's note: **

* * *

_1 Year later.._

"Did you find him?"

"I'm sorry sir, he wasn't in Wutai."

"..try Junon, he has to be somewhere, people don't just dissapear."

"Yes sir."

Rufus sat back in his chair and sighed deeply, where had Tseng gone? When was he coming back? How was he doing?

He shook his head, he promised him to not come looking for him, nine months ago..but he knew he couldn't keep that promise..

_"Tseng! Where are you going?" Rufus ran down the street, he had to stop Tseng before he got in his car._

_"I'm leaving." Tseng said calmly, as he placed his suitcase in the back of the car._

_"Listen, I know you need some time off but.." Rufus frowned slightly, he had to see this coming..Tseng had been down ever since Elena died.."You're leaving for good, aren't you?"_

_Tseng was silent for a moment, before continuing his work "Yes.."_

_"Why?" Rufus asked sadly._

_"I can't do it anymore..this job, Reno, Rude..it's too much..everything reminds me of her.."_

_"Do you honestly think that leaving will solve anything?"_

_"I know that leaving won't solve anything..but staying isn't an option."_

_"Tseng.."_

_"I'm sorry Rufus..I'm going."_

_"Reno and Rude..do they know?"_

_"I told them, don't be mad at them, I asked them to keep quiet." Tseng reached in his pocket and handed his gun and his special personal pass to Rufus, "Goodbye."_

_Rufus took the gun and the pass, this was it..Tseng was really leaving, he was leaving the Turks, and this city, and Rufus had just accepted it._

_"Tseng." he said as Tseng sat down in his car, "I hope you find peace."_

_Tseng nodded, "Thank you." he stared at the steering wheel for a moment, "Don't come looking for me.."_

_"Tseng, I-"_

_"Promise me."_

_"I..promise.."_

_Tseng smiled slightly, "Farewell Rufus, you have been a great friend to me.."_

_"Same here." Rufus smiled back as the car began to drive off._

_

* * *

_

"Reno, there's someone here to see you." the nurse said, smiling gently as always, "Can I tell him to come?"

Reno sat up in his bed, "I'm not feeling too well.."

"That doesn't suprise me! Your body wants alcohol." she said opening the curtains.

"Why not be nice and give my body what it wants?" Reno asked sweetly.

"You know I'm not falling for that!" the nurse laughed, "But don't worry, you'll feel better eventually."

"I doubt it." Reno frowned slightly and laid back down on his bed, this headache was killing him.

"Oh, but you're doing so well!" the nurse called cheerfully, "You've been off alcohol for a while now, you've had the worst part of your rehab, now, it's just a matter of time."

"Says the saint who never drank a single drop of alcohol." Reno said, slightly annoyed..this nurse was way too loud.

"Jealous?" she grinned before walking back to the door, "Are you sure you don't want any company? The man said he knows you very well."

Reno shrugged, "Fine.."

The nurse shrugged and opened the door, just as she left, a man walked into the room.

"You've got some nerve to keep me waiting like that."

Reno sat up again and blinked, "Rude?" his frown turned into a smile, Rude was finally allowed to visit him?

"How are you feeling?" Rude asked as he sat beside Reno on the bed.

"Like shit yo.." Reno said holding a hand against his forehead, "Anyway..how's the new job?"

"It's very...different.." Rude shrugged slightly, "I never knew Turk Trainee's could be so stupid at times.."

"Hey, they're called 'Trainee's' for a reason." Reno grinned, "I don't know who to feel sorry for..you for having to train those kids, or those kids for having you as their teacher."

Rude glared at him, "Don't make me hurt you."

"I may be stuck in here for a while, but if you think you can beat me, you're crazy!" Reno said.

Rude smiled, "It's good to see you back Reno.."

Reno shrugged, "It's only been a month man..don't get all emotional on me.."

"You don't realise how long you've been gone." Reno had been so different after Elena's death..he looked like a shell of what he once was, but now, that shell was starting to break down piece by piece..

* * *

Juna sat back in her chair, "Any questions?"

All the Turks in the room shook their head, "No ma'am."

"Good, then go, and make me proud." she said as she turned her chair around, "You are dismissed."

Juna had Tseng's job now..everything in the company had changed with Elena's death..Tseng left, Reno's drinking had turned into a serious problem and he went into rehab, Rude couldn't do his job on his own, so he was assigned to train the new Turks.

She stood up and looked out of the window, the weather was quite nice tonight..

Juna turned her gaze at the phone when it started ringing.

"Juna speaking."

"Juna, have you send them yet?"

"Yes Mr President, I have sent the Turks over to Junon just now."

"Keep me informed."

"Yes sir, you will get a full report tommorow."

She closed her phone again and looked out of the window.

* * *

Rude walked through the door again, "The nurse said it's okay."

Reno smiled and got up, "Maybe I shouldn't ignore my doctor's orders.." his doctor had told him to stay in bed if he felt sick.

"Maybe you shouldn't." Rude said, leaning against the wall.

"You kidding?! I _always _ignore direct orders!" Reno said, walking out of his room and through another door to get to the balcony.

Rude stood beside Reno and looked over the forest in front of them, "Nice view."

"Yeah.." Reno said softly, "I've missed this.."

"This?"

"Being outside, in the fresh air..that room is killing me."

Rude chuckled slightly, "Well, if you keep the good attitude up, maybe you get to leave this place for good."

Reno smiled, "I hope so.."

"Hey Rude."

"Yeah?"

"When I get out of here, and we both get back to work..things will be just like the good old times.."

Rude grinned, Reno really was getting back the way he was.

"Hey, you think I can leave for a while?"

"Why would you want to leave?"

"I wanna go see Laney."

Rude was silent, it _had _been a while since they last visited Elena's grave.

"Lets go." Rude said.

Reno blinked, "Won't they stop us?"

Rude smirked,

"No one stops the Turks."

_

* * *

_

Rufus put down the phone again.

"Where are you Tseng?" he asked himself as he looked over to the cornor of the room, where the small shrine, dedicated to Elena, stood.

Rufus stared at it for a while, he realised something..something he should've realised a long time ago..

He silently reached for his phone yet again..

"Yes? Juna speaking?"

"Juna, cut off the mission."

"But..they haven't found him yet!"

"He's fine."

"Sir..?"

Rufus closed his eyes and smiled.

"Elena is watching over him."

* * *

_Well, That's the end of it!_

_I hope you liked it._

_Sorry to just stop it like that, but it has to end somewhere, right?_

_And I didn't want to make it too depressing. :P_

_Anyways, please review:)_


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